Wednesday, December 21, 2011

More Thoughts Too Short for a Whole Blog Post - Christmas Edition

Our $88 Walmart "Donner Fir".  All decorated, it's not too bad, is it?

I was at a liquor store the other day to pick up some items, one of which was grenadine.  I couldn't find it so I asked a grandpa-age gentleman who worked there and he led me to the shelf where they had a few different brands.  He started explaining about each one, but I quickly interrupted him to say, "Oh, it's just for Shirley Temples".  He immediately reached for the cheap, vat-sized bottle and handed it to me with a wistful smile.  "Gee, can't remember the last time I got to make a Shirley Temple".  Awwww.....

When our daughter was little, Santa used to wrap and leave gifts for Moocow too!

Speaking of Moocow, she laid in the manger while we put up the tree to keep the cats out of it until we could put it underneath.  (She said it was very nice and that Baby Jesus will like it.  :-)

Each Christmas, the Husband and I address the tags on the gifts we exchange with one another with all kinds of silly names and nicknames.  Half the fun Christmas morning is picking up each package to see what the Husband has called me.  (Or what name I've called him!)  For example, early in our marriage the Husband used to complain that when I'd get out of the shower, the carpet and floor would be all wet, so he started calling me "The Watermonger" - and no doubt I will be getting a present addressed to "The Watermonger" this year.

In my travels as I've been Christmas shopping, I've been wishing people the politically incorrect "Merry Christmas!".  SO THERE!!!

One year a neighbor who dresses like Santa Claus offered to come to our house in the wee hours of the morning so our daughter could "catch" Santa at our house delivering gifts (the real Santa had some earlier in the evening).  So "Santa" comes in the front door, jingling some bells, stomping his feet a bit with some hearty "Ho Ho Hos".  I'm standing outside the daughter's bedroom, watching for the moment when she awakes and realizes Santa is here.  Nothing.  The dog trapped in our bedroom is now barking up a storm, and I hear a few more louder "Ho Ho Hos" from downstairs and....nothing.  Our daughter sleeps on.  So I decide to go in and gently shake her and I say, "Santa's here, Santa's here!".  Nothing.  Finally I start shaking her vigorously and I start shouting, "SANTA'S HERE!!  SANTA'S HERE!!"  Finally she awakens, although by the look on her face I can tell there is zero comprehension of what is going on.  "Why is Mommy shaking me and yelling in my face in the middle of the night??" I'm sure she wondered.  Downstairs "Santa" jingles his bells again and lets out yet another few "Ho Ho Hos" and I finally see by our daughters face that SHE FINALLY HAS WOKEN UP AND REALIZED THAT SANTA IS HERE!  Usually Santa has to sneak around quietly when he's delivering presents, but not at our house, sheesh!

Someday when I am ruler of the world, I am going to dispatch teams of people to go collect all copies of the songs: "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon, The Christmas Shoes sung by Alabama (or anyone else for that matter - TOO SAD!!!!!) and "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid.  Then I will take every last cd, record, cassette and mp3 of those songs, pack them into a rocket, and shoot it to the farthest corner of the universe.  This action will inevitably result in saving mankind from alien invaders as no life form would want to come here if that's the kind of music that will be playing.  You're welcome.

The end.

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